Jessica Simpson is Hawt

I have a friend who likes to talk about how hot Jessica is when we get together. I wonder why that is; now I think I may have figured it out. She doesn't have a bobble-head, and that makes her more attractive than a lot of the stars getting shoved down our throats. Have you noticed that celebrities are getting lollipop-headed these days? For some unknown reason I landed on QVC while channel hopping tonight & saw cute lip glosses being sold by Jessica Simpson. Price: 2 for $34.95 (for you guys who don't buy lip gloss, that is NOT a reasonable price). While I was transfixed by a combination of the pretty colors and the marvel of the customers' sheer idiocy I realized something: The poor bastards were buying it! But why? My theory is the lollipop head reaction. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, right? Well, for all the Lindsey Lohans and Olsen Twins out there, there have to be stars with proportional heads & bodies. Jessica S. is one; Tyra Banks is another. There must be plenty of others out there... it's just that, because of their freakishness, the lollipop heads are more visible. Anyway, I didn't buy the lip gloss. It all smells/tastes like dessert & I don't want to smell like a cupcake all the time. For me there's a very broad & distinct line between cute & cutesy. I think I am way too old for cutesy.

X-hausted

Yee-haw! It's the weekend! I am worn out from only 4 days of work (school, rather) and I don't know if it's the heat, my schedule, or a sign of premature aging. Or at least aging in one big leap in the past few months. I was shot down by one of my favorite profs today in class, which is sad mostly because I don't think he understood what I was saying. You know how when someone is talking and you talk right after them it seems like you're speaking to the point they made? When usually what happens is I'm thinking while the other person is talking (buzz, buzz) and haven't really paid any attention to anything after the first few words. I think with a different part of my brain than I listen with, so sometimes I can do both (like today). Anyway, I will just have to write a genius paper and make him think I'm right about something. Now, if I only had a topic.... I don't really appreciate all the freedom I've been given lately. All my resarch papers are on a topic of my choosing---which sounds great, until you have to choose 4 topics on 4 vastly different subjects and the field is wide open. I have a great fear of to-open fields (not like agoraphobia, but like storms on the prarie with nowhere to hide). Plus, I've started working one day a week & my job is to put together a newsletter. Out of thin air, apparently. Which I did okay with until I go to the point where I had to have content. Yikes. So I am sitting here, writing to you faceless people and eating gummi bears (white = pineapple; strange choice--so sour). This is the longest original post I've had in some time, and I apologize. I know many of you have as short an attention span as I do for these blog thingies.

Love the sin, hate the sinner

I feel like I'm getting religion from all sides lately. Not as in "getting it" like I comprehend it, or the human need for religious belief, or whatever it is. But with classes in history (of women in America), literature (Shakespeare), and the New Testament itself---I feel barraged by Christianity. I need a martini. It's so weird to be a stranger in your own land---apologies to Heinlein---which is how it feels to those of us left out of the cultural mix. If you grew up without religion, or television, or some other aspect of pop culture (yes, I just called religion popular culture), then you're missing some of the bits that make us able to relate to one another on a simple level. You are Other, not of this world. It's like trying to talk to someone much older---or younger, depending on your place in the space-time continuum---and talking at cross purposes. Whenever I talk to my octogenarian aunt, we miscommunicate on something or another. Just unfamiliar with each other's jargon, cadence, whatever; it's not because we're unfamiliar with each other, since we are the only family each of us has in Memphis. It's the culture barrier, or that we've been socialized so completely differently growing up in such different decades. And, she's a good Christian. Hee-hee.

Thoughts on a Monday

It's the worst feeling in the world to burn the roof of your mouth so badly you get bats-in-a-cave. I correct myself--biting your tongue so hard that you bleed is worse. Then it swells up so you bite it again. And again. That's way worse. But I still need to stop drinking my coffee so d#amn hot! I've recently scalded my hand, carrying a travel mug around, and now my mouth. Duh! * * * I watched a great piece on the making of Dazed & Confused last night. I s'pose it might be on the DVD version, which I don't own, as I am not one of those people who feels like owning every movie I like. There are so few I want to watch over & over (The Godfather trilogy, Napoleon Dynamite, and GWTW, to name a few) that it just seems wasteful. ANYway, that's what I did while I pretended to study. Why aren't they making more movies like that? Today's teem films are just lacking a little something (originality?) but I suppose they make up for it in nudity. * * * I'm starting to feel like a homeless person (one with a relatively new car, that is). Today I've eaten, showered, blogged, and (of course) studied all away from home. I would rather be like a turtle and carry my home around with me.

If only she were my granny!

September 19, 2005 Cannabis granny faces jail for pot plants By Philippe Naughton, Times Online Patricia Tabram, a cannabis-growing grandmother, said today that she expects to be sent to jail after police discovered four marijuana plants in her home. The 66-year-old, who says that she is "medicating" friends who are sick or in pain because conventional medicines do not work, compared herself to Emmeline Pankhurst, the pioneering suffragist, saying she was willing to face her fate. Mrs Tabram was given a six-month prison term, suspended for two years, in April when she admitted possessing cannabis with intent to supply from her home in East Lea, in Humshaugh, near Hexham, Northumberland. Mrs Tabram said today: "The police raided my home on Friday morning. Three officers came to the door and said ‘We’ve got information that you have been growing plants’. "They went right through my home and found four plants, each about 4ft high, which I have been trying to grow. The leaves were beginning to go brown and starting to die. I’ve never successfully grown a plant but I do not want to have to go to a criminal for my cannabis. "I realise I am going to go to prison," she added. "Emmeline Pankhurst had to go to prison three times before women got the vote so I am not going to be worried about it. "I have been thinking about things over the weekend and if the police charge me with anything except for ‘my own use’, then I am going to plead not guilty and go to trial. "I have decided to defend myself. I am going to be my own solicitor, my own barrister and my own criminal. I did not go to university but I have read many books about this country’s drug laws and when I get into court I am going to tell the judge and jury about the hypocrisy of our laws. "I’m going to do my best in court and if I get a bigger sentence, then tough Charlie. If I get the same judge as last time, then tough Charlie. "I’m just an old, grey, tubby grandma and I’m going to fight this." Mrs Tabram, who prides herself on her homemade herbal cookies, casseroles and soups, cuts an unlikely figure as a drug user. She has cooked up treats laced with cannabis for neighbours and friends in her village since being introduced to the Class C drug last year by friends and finding that it helped to alleviate the symptoms of depression, whiplash and neck pain. Northumbria Police were tipped off about the savoury smells and activities coming from Mrs Tabram’s bungalow and twice raided her house, in May and June last year. They seized 8.5oz (242g) of "skunk" cannabis - the most powerful variety - with a street value of £854 and she was charged with possession with intent to supply.

My recent invitations

[for a Friend's 28th birthday:] Do for dinner @ 7p.m., Drinks at dish, Dirty Martinis at Swig, 10 p.m. and then... Dancing at Raifords, and if you're still up for it... Denny's breakfast! [From Evite] We want to remind you that the Cooper/Young Shindig is coming up on Sat. Sep. 17th [that is a party after the festival] 93X & WIZARD’S PRESENT 93X FEST [Dude, anything Wizard's does is cool.] SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 @ MUD ISLAND AMPHITHEATRE [Remind me to go, dude!] FEATURING SHINEDOWN…WITH CROSSFADE…AND SPECIAL GUESTS DEFAULT, BREAKING POINT AND EGYPT CENTRAL [If anyone can tell me who these bands are, I thank you. Except I think the last---Egypt Central---are from Memphis and stole their name from a high school.] TICKETS ARE $27.50 PLUS HANDLING CHARGES at ALL TICKETMASTER OUTLETS [No freakin' way are all those stoner/metal heads paying $30 for this lame show!!]

Celebrate Citizenship Day

I have tried to be a good citizen, in my own way, but I'm not sure that all right-wingers would agree with me so much. What is a good citizen? Well, if you mean a world citizen, I think that means standing up for injustice all over the world---like Amnesty Int'l does---and being responsible consumer of the environmental resources---like the Sierra Club encourages; if you mean a good American, I think that means being educated and active concerning your government. Can you think of any aspect of your life, public or private, that is not affected by government? So in honor of Citizenship Day, let me recommend celebrating your citizenship in one or more of the following ways:

1. harass your representatives about something you believe in
2. write a guest editorial for your local neighborhood paper on some local issue (trust me, they'll print it, if just to take up space)
3. start an annoying email forward about something you don't like about your country but always assumed just couldn't be changed (it's better than the ones you've been victimized by for years)
4. participate in a protest, or organize one if you can't find one to suit you (if you can't think of anything to protest, you're a bad citizen)
5. link to this post to spread the word thru the blogosphere...

...that is, of course, assuming you belive as I do. If not, go ahead and post here---what do you think a good citizen is?

What's it to ya, anyway?

It's so strange that some people seem to keep coming back to this site even when I have little---or nothing---exciting to say. I've been working on a couple of things lately, one being school (as I have complained about a few times already, and we're only in week 3!), the other being an online magazine. Not one that calls itself as a magazine and is blatantly a blog, but a real magazine which is both small and free, in contrast to most of the things stuffed in my mailbox weekly. I read too much. I subscribe to three political magazines, the fluffy Memphis Magazine, read The Flyer weekly (or try to), and check out The Times Online every morning. It takes a lot of time to be a part of the informed citizenry our democracy depends upon. [Not a joke!] So when I design a magazine, you'd better believe it's going to be a short one! Keep an eye out for an exciting new magazine coming soon to the Memphis scene....

Blogger is conspiring against me

I know you've missed me. So it seems that every time I write a post, Blogger's just fine; it's only when I go to actually post it that it won't communicate with me. So I cut & paste my post into Word, but when I go back to publish it later, it doesn't seem so fun. There's something about the immediacy of writing & putting it out into the ether that makes whatever I write have some validity, or make some sense. To me, anyway. But take away the on-demand publishing factor & it just seems silly to post my thoughts of the moment 12 hours later. Every time I turned on the radio today, Judge John Roberts was deflecting questions of the US Sentaors. He's very good at it. I read an article in The Progressive Magazine about his history of writing briefs (since he hasn't been a judge long at all) and working for Ken Starr. There has GOT to be a better alternative. This is Bush's chance to make the highest court in the nation a little more representative of its citizens, and he's appointing one more upper middle-class white guy who will toe the Republican ideological line. He should sound like a worse candidate than he does, but I just can't get over how reasonable he sounded. I don't think for a second that he'll turn out like O'Connor and Souter to disappoint his appointing Republican President. I also don't think he'll be turned down for the position. Grrrrr.

Indeed there will be time to wonder...

From the dearth of posts here, it sure looks like I've been having a lot of fun lately! Don't believe it: I've been busting my a$$ in school and we're only 2 weeks in. Why am I not on top of things like I'd expected? I think I have it narrowed down to 2 distinct problems:

1. I do too much. I read everything, which my classmates don't seem to bother doing (every person I ask "did you read for today?" invariably answers "no" if not "hell, no!").
2. I have more than the usual # of profs to impress.

The second thing is a little problem I have, where I decide which prof is worth giving a sh!t about, and then concentrating on that class: doing all assignments, reading everything, and talking in class to make sure it shows that I'm reading. I figure these people are the ones who will write my recs for grad school (should that be an option) and I'd like to have their good opinions. But this semester, I have 2 of this type, as opposed to the usual 1 or none. One is the Shakespeare guy and the other is Advanced Comp, which is focusing on the canonization of the New Testament. Bored yet? Yeah, my life is pretty boring. I have stayed home the past 2 Fri. nights---I need to stop this before it gets out of hand!

I grow old... I grow old... I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled

Anywayz, I'm going out tonight. I've been wanting to check out Swanky's, except for the fact it's in East Memphis. So I'm not sure where I'll be, except that I won't be at Neil's watching Molly Hatchet perform.

Happy Birthday to Me

It is Serrabee's first birthday tomorrow. I love this song by Cracker. Play it & love it, too! Blogger was not happy with me this weekend, so I wasn't able to update. That's okay, as it was an uninteresting few days for the most part---trust me. I mowed the lawn, trimmed a few hedges, wrote a paper (yes, already!) and watched a crappy football game. The tailgate part was fun, though. Oh, and also had lunch with ex-b.f. #21. Or whatever # he is (was). We ate on the patio at Fresh Slices, which opened on Overton Park St. last year, and I thoroughly enjoyed my giant vegetable sandwich---roasted eggplant, squashes, & red pepper slices---yum!

Real thoughts

I blogged about reality on Journalissimo, in case y'all think I'm shallow going on about gas prices when so many people are dead, homeless, and at further risk of disease in the coming weeks. Please donate to the Red Cross or see the donate link on the sidebar here. Thank you.

Weird things abound in the life of Serrabee

1. Weird thing: I ran into a guy this weekend whom I haven't seen in (according to him) 5 years. (No, that's not the weird part.) He then proceeded to tell every guy I talked to that I was his future wife, and not to talk to me. That's the weird---and slightly scary---part of the story. There's more but I'm afraid to mock him in case he starts stalking me, and I don't get the last laugh.
2. Less weird thing: I just had to wait in line for gas... for the first time ever. It was $2.89 at the Exxon, and $3.19 down the street at Circle K. Yikes!! Wish I had a hybird version of mycar (which they came out with the year after I bought mine, new).
3. Weirder thing: I got a classmates.com email last week from a guy I graduted with, who didn't attend our high school reunion 2 years ago, therefore I probably haven't seen this guy since graduation. We only ever corresponded by desk in school (which I guess is another weird thing). He is now in the military---which is the weirdest of all---and when I knew him he was one of the strangest, quietest, smartest guys in school. If they'd had a Least Likely to Join the Military superlative, he'd have won. Now I feel like I should write him back, though I don't know if the fact that he's stuck in Iraq has anything to do with it or not. Maybe I should give him a link here for fun?
4. Non-weird thing: I had only 2 classes today, which is werid for me but not so much so if you're not me. Tomorrow I will have the other 3 classes in a marathon of about 5 hours. Woo-hoo! Tough getting the old attention span revved up for that one. Also strange is that I am more tired on the days with fewer classes than the days with more.

What NOT to do tonight

Don't go buy Trent Lott's book. Don't even grace him with your presence, unless you're bringing a herd of cats for him to demonstrate his skills at Davis-Kidd. Tee-hee-hee. Don't return all the batteries you bought because the MSM told you a huge storm was coming thisaway today. You just never know when you'll need them again; tornado season is just around the corner. Don't forget salsa lessons at Tuesdays on the Terrace at the Botanic Garden. Just kidding! It's $30 and you can wait til the weekend and get free lessons at the High Point Pinch. So, don't go out at all tonight, I guess. And don't laugh when you see these pics of Brad Pitt naked (I did).

Not so fast!

Looks like Katrina will be kinder to the Big Easy than we thought yesterday. The flood damage remains to be seen, though. I am thankful that a lot of the structures were relatively undamaged by the wind, and of course that it doesn't look like as many people were killed as in Category 5 storms in the past. However, I feel sorry for those poor b*stards in Mississippi, as they are even more unprepared for this storm. The resulting steep gas prices are making some of us wonder: will Bush allow the petrol reserve to be used in this time of crisis? I wonder, considering that how high gas prices are now (I think $70 a barrel) is simply speculation of supply-and-demand issues that haven't yet arisen. In other words, will Bush release some of the stockpiles now, before prices top $3 a gallon, or will he wait until it's too late, as he has done with everything else in his administration?

The Bush administration said it was considering whether to use the Strategic Petroleum Reserve in response to any supply disruptions caused by Hurricane Katrina, which hit New Orleans on August 29, 2005 after swirling through the Gulf of Mexico. The petroleum stockpile consists of more than 700 million barrels of crude oil stored in underground salt caverns in Louisiana and Texas. --AP

UPDATE: I re-re-added the picture Blogger was stopping you from seeing before. And I was just thinking... a friend of mine (who my last bf called a socialist) said this weekend that he hopes gas prices here go thru the proverbial roof, at least as high as in Europe, so that perhaps Americans will quit buying SUVs and driving when we could walk or bike. I am afraid I'm guilty of the latter sin of driving more than I should. I think I'm fearful of my environment, and the car offers a metal layer of protection from crime. Or maybe it's like an addiction, something you want to stop--you keep telling yourself you can quit anytime, you'll bike to work next week, when it's not so hot/stops raining/is warmer than today. And you never do.

So long, New Orleans, I loved you well

I've had such good times in New Orleans, and enjoyed many a weekend jaunt down there, that I can't help but obsess over the beeline which Hurricane Katrina's apparently making straight for the city. In a category 4 storm, it really doesn't matter if the eyewall doesn't pass over you. For one thing, the winds are so damaging even in the outer rings that a lot of the historic architecture won't be spared; for another, the floods will keep people out of the entire city indefinitely. I ran into a friend at Ike's yesterday (buying school supplies, such fun) who's in medical school in N.O. Was, rather, since school is cancelled indefinitely. She said she wasn't thinking and just brought a weekend's worth of clothes and her dog. So she'll be here for weeks, maybe months, cause even though she lives on the 3rd floor, she still lives in the warehouse district (which is right by the mighty Mississippi River). What's strange for me, rather than scary, is thinking that our power may be out for a few days. So I'll be refilling my propane tank and stocking up on batteries today---just in case. In the meantime I'll just be glued to the Weather Channel, watching Jim Cantore be blown about once again.

Addendum

6. Also, never to sign off, apparently permanently, and come back repeatedly from the dead. When I'm gone, I'll be gone for good. Don't worry---it will be a while yet. That having been said, I do wonder how much time I'll have this fall for posting. I'm currently signed up for 18 hours (6 classes, one of which I may drop pretty quickly) and trying to start up a (free, for now) local online zine. I may be doing more of the linking I did in the olden days. Speaking of which, I'm approaching two anniversaries: a year of blogging and 5 years of non-smoking. YAY, me!

My pledge to you

that is to my readers, all 3 of you, I pledge:

1. Not to make any post so long that it will bore you to tears.
2. Not to apologize for neglecting my blog. I'm sure you care even less for my excuses than I can imagine.
3. Never ever to blog gruesome details of my personal illnesses. (Unless it's funny in some way, maybe.) I'm sure just saying "I felt like crap" is a good enough reason to take a break.
4. Not to get too political on y'all. You get that everywhere.
5. To never reveal my secret identity elsewhere first. Of course, if you're here you probably know my secret identity already & that's why you're reading (except for random googlers).

I've been reading the stupidest sh!t lately so I feel I have to promise not to duplicate it. I believe that's all for now, but I'll keep these in mind as I write.

Now Hear This:

Reid "Frolixo" Paskiewicz has asked the never-voiced, but ever-present question facing our great nation: What can be done about this senior citizen problem? He also offers 5 alternatives, or helpful hints, on controlling the epidemic of old-ness. Old people need to clean up their act, before we face the real fallout from the aging of the population. [LINK]

post script

The Glass is at the Hi-Tone tomorrow nite. See ya there, if I'm not exhausted from my travels by then. A bargain at only $5!

Sorry y'all,

Blogger is f#cking with me again! I wrote a post about my weekend adventure, a few days late and probably too short as well, but I wrote it anyway. Blogger ate it! I shall endeavor to unearth it from my email, which is where I cleverly composed it & mailed it to myself (don't even ask). I am on a prehistoric computer at the old homestead. It wasn't that great a post anyway. Basically, you had to be there, like any rock'n'roll show. According to some people, it wasn't as great as I thought it was (more on this later). So I will return to the civilized world of the Mid-South region tomorrow, unfortunately probably not in time for the South Main Trolley Tour, featuring a funky flick appropriately titled Make it Funky! (which is openly stolen from the greatest senior singer and soul brother number one, James Brown. Probably with his blessing. Or either he's oblivious, more likely in such an oldster as JB.). Anyway, the movie is free, starts at 9pm, and here's what they say about it:

The movie is 2% jazz, 98% funky stuff! It is the story of New Orleans and its legendary musicians, who composed and performed songs that changed the world of music, influencing the course of Rhythm & Blues and Rock & Roll. It features the best of New Orleans’ musicians, plus special guests Bonnie Raitt and Keith Richards. Artists featured in the documentary include Big Sam’s Funky Nation, The Dirty Dozen Brass Band, Irma Thomas, Kermit Ruffins, The Neville Brothers, Snooks Eaglin and Walter “Wolfman” Washington.

However, although I will definitely be back in time for the 311 show at Mud Island on Sun. night, I doubt I'll make it down there. I'm not excited enough to deal with the crowds at a general admission show. I am lazy. I don't want drunk people sitting practically on top of me, like happened last time I was down there (years ago). Stoners are okay, though. It seems all my b!tching about all the good shows going to outlying areas has finally paid off this fall. We'll be seeing the N Miss Allstars and Lyle Lovett in the same weekend next month, which sort of makes up for MeatLoaf at the casinos (shouldn't he be dead by now?). I wish everyone a good weekend, during which I should be back to updating you on my exciting world. Danke schon. UPDATE! I have fixed the link & the misspelling (the only one I found) on this post. [Thanks, Charly!] See also the recent Rolling Stone story on the N MS Allstars. Looks like they're playing some pretty decent-sized venues all around the country. I wonder where they'll encounter the greatest number of Cocks hats?