Sometimes, dating seems like you're navigating some obstacle course. Only some of them are invisible, and others are like mirages. I often see obstacles that later turn out not to be there at all, and I wonder if it's my brain trying to protect me, or just a trick of timing.
A while back, my friends & I conceived of a dating obstacle course, or something like miniature golf as a prerequisite for a relationship. Once the tasks had been completed successfully, you would know how compatible you could be. Some of the ideas we had:
- You call your guy when you have plans to go out, preferably somewhere special. Call ahead & tell him you're running late and you need him to pick out an outfit for you to wear & meet you there. How suitable it is for you and the occasion determines how many points he earns.
- Give your guy 4 random ingredients and tell him to make a meal for both of you. You should not only be able to eat the result, but he should also adapt moderately well. Maybe he had to make a run to the store or call someone for a recipe, but he could act under the pressure and didn't just cop out & order a pizza.
- Leave him alone with your email account logged in. What will he do?
- Ask the new guy to go out alone, then "coincidentally" run into a group of your friends with their hunky dates. Does he a) want to leave quickly; b) engage in one-upping them all night; or c) not really seem to notice?
I think I make it harder than it needs to be. Ideally you find someone perfect right off the bat and it goes along smoothly. But doesn't that seem a bit boring? I think a little spice is good, but the last time I met someone I fell for almost just as soon as we met... well, it ended, if not badly. I think it was so easy to knock him off the narrow pedestal, mostly because he didn't have to work at getting up there. Probably didn't even know he was there at all.
I do admit I believe in "love at first sight", as it were, which in my opinion really means at first or second meeting. I don't think it's any less likely to be wrong than the kind that's cultivated over time, since love is largely based on the physical aspects. I don't just mean whether you think someone's hot or not; I mean things like do you sense it when he comes into a room, or want to sit close to her, even when you can hear fine? Do you have a crush on her weird little mole, or like the way his tshirt from yesterday smells? That's not a manufacturable attraction.
Or should it be, now that I read thru this again.