Who the fvck are you

Do I know anyone in DC? I knew a guy named DC in college.... Why is someone from the nation's capitol googling me? Funny that Google wants to look for "Ferrabee"---which is actually the name of a guy I went to school with years ago, but I wouldn't have counted on it being much more common that Serrabee. Of course, y'all know I check my stats daily just to see how popular I am. I hope that doesn't make me vain or anything.

I acutally had a conversation about fake blog popularity with my friend last night. It seems that some people are just eager to be known for, or at least noticed, a blog. I ask you: what is a blog? Either masturbatory political ravings or just some narcissistic reflections and pictures of your friends, for the most part. It's like sex: Absolutely anyone can have it. Some people may be better at it than others, but it still doesn't make you special.

Somewhere after our 3rd or 4th pint it devolved into a discussion about the fact that she sometimes doesn't know how to take my jokes. I think that is funny, because I always thought that was the best thing about our friendship. We always kid with each other, and have in a similar manner for the past 12 years or so that we've known each other. Somehow now I am given to understand that either the nature of our friendship has changed, and I can no longer get away with those sarcastic, snide comments (which I have always felt made our friendship special, that we could both talk to each other that way & laugh about it). Which sucks for me, because I really don't have any other friends I can joke with quite like that. Now I have to watch myself so that I don't fall back into old habits, I guess. We are planning a beach trip over Labor Day weekend together, with other friends as well, so I think that will be the ultimate test of my resolve.

8 cheap places [I wouldn't] want to live

Saw this on MSN yesterday: 8 cheap places you'd want to live... but would I, really? Let's see:

• Asheville, NC-- Would I really? North Carolina appeals to me, but I must confess Asheville is a little small for my taste. I prefer...
• Austin, TX-- Though it is in TexAss, this is the best pick of the list for me by far.
• Boise, Idaho-- Okay, larger, but still too small to suit me. Who are they writing this for, retirees?
• Fayetteville, Ark-- Hmmm... small but inviting college town, a charming liberal island in the red belt. Maybe when I'm old.
• Minneapolis, MN-- Yuk. Cold, boring, and crappy cost of living. Pass.
• Nashua, N.H.-- Ditto, only yukkier.
• Olympia, Wash.-- Podunk yet pricey, but quite liberal & therefore perhaps acceptable. Evergreen College makes is more tenable (we once knew a guy who went there, no grades, no exams, woo-hoo!)
• Prescott, AZ-- Now you're talkin. Much more my style, even considering gang activity is climbing and it's also teensy-tiny.

They need to add some real places to live on this list. They obviously don't know what I'm looking for in a residence. I will have to counter with my own selections (once I've done some research). Any suggestions for me? I hate cold, don't like to live expensively, and am a cross between a libertarian and a liberal.

#1 Reason to Leave Your Cubicle

I enjoyed this how-to on Squidoo, having just started my first-ever cubicle job. I have either had my own office, piled high with samples, catalogs, and purchase orders---and as messy as I liked it---or a sort of shared office. My last office was technically mine but as we were located in an old Midtown home, the director had to access her office by walking through mine. It was much neater than my private office, of course. Once my office was actually the front portion of the stockroom, which I actually enjoyed because when sales reps were visiting I could really demonstrate to them that I didn't need any more of their crap.

At any rate, I sort of enjoy working around other people for a change. Note I didn't say with them, just around them. In close proximity to others. I keep my iPod on and my back turned to the room, so it is a sort of safe haven. My excuse is that we have a lot of "participants" (aka crazy people) coming through on many days, but the truth is that I have a hard time focusing with a lot of noise on in the background. I learned this about myself when I started driving---I had to have the radio on to occupy a part of my brain that would just go of on its own tangents and daydream if it weren't doing something. (This discovery fortunately saved me from having my dad disconnect the car stereo system as he had done with my sister years earlier.) So headphones don't just drown out the noise and participants' conversations; they provide ambient noise that allows me to focus on the documents I'm working on. I've often said that I don't really like people, but I actually do like all my coworkers, so I count myself lucky that cubicle life agrees with me. My next project, however, will involve preparing safety documents and some other stuff for an audit, and there's no way I can do that from the safety of my 4x4' domain. I'm going to have to spend some time in the main building researching everything eventually. All I know is the audit is "sometime later this year" and "hopefully not too soon"---so I'm sure I'll have about a week to prepare, in addition to interviewing all the dept. heads, etc. Fun stuff for such a people person as myself.

technorati tags: "Cubicles "

If I had a tribe, this would be it

It's often been noted [by me] that our generation isn't as cohesive as those going before us---we don't have quite as many shared experiences, or compulsory rites of passage, or even homogenous pop-culture to bind us. I'm not complaining, of course; diversity is a good thing, and I don't endorse people having the same experiences and memories for the sake of feeling more of a sense of comraderie (or patriotism, for that matter). I just wish we had some common dance besides the electric slide to do at office holiday parties decades from now.

Michael Adams (who wrote Better Happy Than Rich?, Sex in the Snow) has designed a survey (for Canadians, but who cares?) to divine how views on money, family, status, emphasis on stability, etc. is related to experimentalism, liberalism, freedom, and emphasis on laisse-faire behaviour in every aspect of life. It's interesting how the adherents of traditionalism always lose in the end, since the paradigm shift is like an avalanche.

So I may belong to the New Aquarians, or share some common ground with the Autonomous Post-Materialists. Glad to hear I have the company of such heroes as:

Jello Biafra

Sarah Michelle Gellar

Naomi Klein

Sarah McLachlan

Rage Against the Machine

Anti-globalization activist John Zerzan

I also enjoyed the subtlety of the survey questions (I am trying to design a survey for some orientation materials at work, and thought this one was really well-designed.) I hate those surveys which invite you to say: "Well, that really depends..." after each one.

[From Brock]

Porch Party!

I got so excited about my porch party tonight that I stuck a magnum of wine in the freezer.

And forgot it, of course. The cork popped right off---and yeah, I'm still going to drink it! I let it thaw out in the fridge & it doesn't seem half bad.

Maybe it's just been a really, really long week, though.

Ahem. Tomorrow is the raw food seminar at Wild Oats Market. Maybe I'll go see what they have to say. I mean, how hard can it be to eat food without cooking it first? Sounds easier than preparing a meal, plus I already know I like many veggies & all fruits raw. Oysters are another story (you have my permission to call me a wuss).

I wish I were as cool as you!

I wish I were cool enough to leave an empty spot in my top friends, as if to say to everyone else:

You are not cool enough to qualify.

Instead, I wimp out and fill all my top spaces so that I can imply to everyone not on my top list: If I had just one more spot, it would be yours!

It's a funny thing about myspace, in that most people I get friend reqests from I have never met---yet the only people I request whom I don't know personally are musicans. I'm like a lazy groupie: I will seek you out online so I can see where you're playing next, thought I'm too lazy to go to your show this weekend. (But I am going to try to make it to Newby's on Sat. for Papa Top's West Coast Turnaround. Try, I said.)

Stalk to you later

The Freedonian, who I've met several times now, has a Best Liberal Songs post up which I really love. As I am too busy phone-stalking everyone who hasn't called me back in the past week, I will leave you to it. It's juicy!

Summer Solstice Day

I love tricking all the googlers with my blog title, but this time I will take pity on you. Here are some summer solstice tips for you:

• There should be a sliver of a waxing crescent moon visible during the shortest night of the year (tomorrow night, I believe).
• Star Date is a great resource for the astronomically challenged (not astrology, dummy). If you are cool enough to admit you listen to NPR, you can listen to it on the radio; if not, they have it online so you can feel less public-radio-geek-y.
• At any rate, tomorrow is the solstice, so take advantage of the extra daylight by gardening at night or something.
• Ever wonder about all the REM songs with nocturnal themes---Gardening at Night, Man on the Moon, Nightswimming, the Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite---although I suppose when you're a prolific songwriter in the South, night is going to be a theme (some days, that's the only time it's cool enough to go outside).

Save the screech owls

How sad is this? From my girl in East TN, who is getting yet another exception-to-the-rules link from me. (The rule is I won't link to just any fly-by-night blog, but one that's been around at least 6-8 months. Cause otherwise you're just not dependable and I can't be bothered checking every month to see if they're all still active. I'm v. busy and important.

I'm finally back again. It's going to be hot, hot, hot today, so wear your seersucker suits and try to keep cool out there. I am making plans for a little porch party here en la casa on Friday evening, so I hope it cools down again. Aside from that, life is hollow and bleak. Just kidding, but things are pretty boring but busy. Routine is the essence of existence these days. No crazy dates, travel plans, or political protests on the horizon. As soon as something happens, I will let you know all about it, trust me.

I FORGOT to add that the title of this lovely piece is "I want to save the world" and you will notice the little guy in yellow responding "I want to drink until I fall down". I think that just about says it all, don't you?

Recruitment

I am happy to report that my extra-curricular activities are going according to plan. One of my big ideas was to expand my social circle, varying it some more and broadening it as much as I can stand. Not only is there a natural attrition rate to my friendships---between some people moving and others just drifting away, I've lost touch with quite a few over the years---but I also don't feel there's much variety to the group. I always think the world must be a certain way (e.g., basically reasonable) because everyone I know is pretty much that way. What a pathetic fallacy!

I tried for a time to keep my friend circles disctinct from one another, but now I'm trying for the opposite. I want my friends to meet each other, even though it may be easier for me to keep them in discrete factions. I want to see what sorts of reactions and connections come about from people mixing. That's sort of behind my brunch group (which is exclusively female, simply because I have observed women express themselves more freely in a gender-segregated environment).

Now I've realized that my male friends have a higher rate of diminution than female friends, for some different reasons. Mainly my own dating-type relationships seem to get in the way of me hanging onto my male friends. I am too sensitive to how the bf might feel about me hanging out with a guy friend alone---and my bf's never get along with my guy friends (not in years, anyway). The few I have are probably closeted gay men. So I need to recruit more straight-boy, non-boyfriend, male friends. How exactly does one do that? It's weird to tell some guy you aren't dating anyone but just want to be friends with him. They don't get it. And if you go out on a few dates with a guy, why would you want to be friends after you don't want to go out again? Maybe I'm intolerant. Okay, I know I'm intolerant. It's part of my charm, kind of like Prez Bush. (We can discuss that later.) Meanwhile, I am going to work on recruiting some non-closeted gay male friends. I wonder how the military is doing on that these days?

Can't Hardly Wait

Can't wait to get the new Sonic Youth album, cause it sounds rockin' and not like a bunch of cacophonous crap, although by "can't wait" I really mean "will get around to it sometime". Cause I'm certainly not going anywhere else today---I literally feel like I was beaten with one of those bats they would give you in psychotherapy back in the 90's (or at least you saw them on teevee a lot).

I met the girls out for a couple of drinks last night to celebrate a birthday of one of my miniature band of reader-friends. A couple of margaritas at Molly'sturned into beers on the Bayou patio, and then we all went next door to visit their awesome new bartender, Mark, who gave us restaurant industry prices. Wonderful man. I accidentally ended up paying for everyone's drinks, and it wasn't all that much than my two drinks at Molly's. So suck on it, Molly's; your margaritas ain't all that great anyway.

So, happy birthday, KB, and many happy returns. I'm not sure I'll make it to lesbian karaoke, since I have an early meeting tomorrow. I can hardly wait for the sun to go down to get into bed. Sorry I am not more creative today; I know posting has been spotty lately---thanks for hangin' in there.

Random Happenings

I just got the weirdest email from my most recent ex-bf saying he was sorry he never appreciated me. That may be a sign of the apocalypse. I'm not sure what he expects from saying that at this point (we've been broken up over a year). Day late & a dollar short is an understatement! He's not living in Memphis, or in the South at all, so it can't be that he wants the opportunity to get back together. That was literally all he said, so it wasn't much of an opening to start corresponding again. Plus, he could have called if that's what he had in mind. My guess is he's in a 12-step program and this is just part of it.

I just hate it when people pop up again when you've got your issues [mostly] resolved. A friend was telling me last night that I'm not very emotional; I disagreed, in fact I think I am highly emotional---I just have my shit pretty much together. The day I lose it and tell everyone what I really think is not a day you want to see. Sometimes I have dreams where I get all mad at people in my life (like the exes) and then it all seems to go back to a simmer. Dreams may lie to us sometimes, as Blair Combest says, but they sure can help bring things back into balance.

Speaking of which, I hope my two wedding dreams last week aren't a bad sign. A wedding in a dream probably means a funeral in real life, or something equally strange. We were trying to track down a runaway bride (a college girlfriend I haven't seen since her actual wedding about 5 years ago) in peach satin bridesmaid dresses. Man, I hope I never have to buy another one of those.

Anything's possible

I actually woke up at 6:25 today, moments before my alarm even went off, with plenty of time to:

• make & drink a pot of coffee
• sing in the shower (plus properly washing & conditioning the hair, which is a rarity for Monday AM)
• check my email (so I don't have to do it from work)
• come here & share with you people.

That is the result of a relaxing weekend, I suppose. I cleaned house all day Sat., including setting off a bug bomb and vacating the vicinity, so I was pretty tired that night (after floating in a friend's hot tub over an hour). Brunch was a very small group, but it stimulated a really great discussion on crime, the future of the city, and property values. I'll be back with more on that later this week, as I must go pick out today's outfit to straddle the indoor/outdoor weather (you don't want to sweat too much in the parking lot, or freeze all day in the cubicle). Enjoy the rest of your day.

Last Night's Party

Often, what is weird and uncomfortable at first ends up being quite pleasureable after a while, if you stick with it. Sports are always like that for me, and so was my high school reunion. Now, so was last night's blogger's bash, but I was not surprised at that. I arrived about an hour after it started (having opted for a shower after my flyer-hanging sweat-a-thon) and then hung out with Sarah from Lantana Project. I was just putting off going over to the table of middle-aged white guys as long as I could, though I knew I'd eventually have to make my way over there. In the meantime, I think a lesbian tried to pick me up. I could be wrong, of course, but straight women don't often introduce themselves to women who are complete strangers. She was sort of with the group, though, so maybe I made it all up in my head (she did give me her email, though).

So I finally wandered over to sit by the artbutcher (aka Dwayne). As David (aka WestTN Liberal) noted, "conservatives come early & leave early, and the liberals come late & stay late," which is how I prefer it. Suppose that's cause I'm a liberal, right? I knew ML and Lindsay wouldn't make it, having recently resigned from the blogosphere, but I was sorry Brandon and Paul didn't show up, or Rachel #2, or Sarah---or or any other girls besides me for that matter---but I'm sort of glad Charly wasn't there as I suspect she would be exhausting to be around. Everyone there was pretty low-key, except for the charming autoegocrat. I thought for a moment he was going to lose it, and it was going to be all my fault (forgot what it was I said as his reaction was so much more spectacular than whatever provoked it), but luckily the explosion was over as quickly as it began.

Some discussion was had on the gender issue, i.e. Why don't women seem to blog as much as men? The general consensus was that xanga & livejournal-type bloggers don't consider themselves true bloggers per se. I also think women bloggers may be less likely to show up to an even which is:

A. Dominated by middle-aged white guys, and

B. Likely to expose them to stalking.

Not that I think I'm exposed to stalking as a result of going to the P&H last night, or even as a result of blogging, period. But I think many people think the internet is another area where women should be too afraid for their physical safety to speak up. I think that because that is the first thing about half the people to whom I mention my blog ask me. Then they ask where to find it. (Duh, if I've just met you, and you mention stalking, am I likely to help you stalk me? just kidding, I tell some people). Unfortunately, that sort of fear works on a lot of us.

There were some other noticable gaps in attendance as well. Neither Phillip nor Joseph (who is on hiatus) attended, and they are two other non-political fellow bloggers---Dwayne & I were certainly holding down that minority. I'm still sorry I missed the last one, but I always seem to be out of town when they hold these things. I was glad to finally meet Brock---who doesn't look like a Brock at all, more like a Steven or Allen to me---and to see the Freedonian again, who added one to the liberal mix. There were many others I didn't get a chance to chat with, so I'm voting for another one in 2-3 months (rather than waiting 6 this time).

TGIF

You are what you email

I sometimes wonder what people think of me, you know, what they say about me when I'm not around---how they'd describe me to another friend---the things they are afraid to say to my face. I've noticed a lot of my friends are intimidated by me (note: If you're easily intimitated, don't chat me up this Friday night). It's like looking in the mirror, seeing basically the same thing every day, and then when you see a photo you don't recognize yourself.

I did a work test to tell me what sort of employee/co-worker I am, and it was eerily correct. A few months ago, I got the idea of a personality poll from a friend of mine, and the results were half spot-on and half mysterious. The compliments I'll take, but a couple of the negative traits left me perplexed: one person called me "rash,"another "lethargic" (aren't those contradictory?) And who thinks I'm "overdramatic"??? I think that was the only serious boyfriend I ever had break up with me---and let me tell you, the most dramatic thing I did when he dumped me was quit speaking to him after a pretty calm discussion. Harumpf.

If all you knew about me was what's in my inbox today, you would get a very different picture of who I really am---different from any of the things above. I have recipes from Epicurious (no time to cook these days whatsoever---haven't tried a new recipe in months, I'd guess). Also, NWA (not that NWA) is writing to me about international travel (unfortunately, my passport expired last year), and a vitamin store is advertising horse chestnut to cure spider veins (fortunately, I still have pretty nice legs). I almost took an internship at an online vitamin place located here in town, incidentally, until I realized they were selling snake oil. MoveOn.org notified me of their Monthly Partner program, which is just a nice way of saying: "We'd like access to your checking account, please!" Rounding out today's batch of impersonal mail is one from The Atlantic, which makes me feel guilty that I haven't even read the May issue yet.

Fun stuff

Okay, I know it's political, but here's some fun stuff for you:

Vote for your favorite Democratic Presidential candidate. Vote for Clark, while you still have a chance to.

It's not too late to punch an Emo kid today! (Okay, it's not political per se, but it does remind me of Blue States Lose.)

It's not too late to watch Frontline, either--- there's a great epi on tonight titled "The Last Abortion Clinic" (if it is when you read this, click the link for a good mini-show). It made me want to cry.

Our very own Sen. Frist is introducing a bill that would amend the Constitution to ban gay marriage. Cause apparently he has nothing better to do (yet another thing to thank Nashvile for).

Get Excited!

I have been very excited about several upcoming events lately, and now that they're all over, I'm going to have to make my own excitement. We like to make fun of a silly girl we used to know by repeating things she said (like "Get excited!!") in her squeaky pre-pubescent girl's voice (she was over 21, so it was really a strange thing to hear). Who is really going to be able to conjure up and honest excitement and enthusiasm on command? Well, I'm going to try.

Living alone makes me want to plan and conjure events to look forward to; plus, that's always been an aspect of my personality. I write things on my calendar just so I can anticipate them. I'm going to try and get excited about my upcoming camping trip to unknown parts (somewhere east of Nashvile is all I know). Anyone want to house-sit for me?

I have no vacations planned after this month, no more big parties, or company coming to town. I am going to do one more brunch this weekend, but several people are out of town, so we'll probably just have a small group this time. I think that might facilitate conversation a little better anyway. We devoted a large chuck of the first two meeting times socializing; now I really want to dig into more social issues. Even the little things can be interesting when you're looking at them through others' points of view instead of your own. For instance, how far are you willing to go to help the environment? Reduce, reuse, and recycle? Buy a car powered by alternative fuel? Sell your car and ride your bike? If you're willing to do more than you already do, what's stopping you from making the change? Is it unrealistic to change on an individual basis, or is that the only way? ... I'm afraid all of this will require more direction than I've wanted to provide so far. But as one of my friends said, "Even if you're not changing the world, you're still building more social capital," and I like the sound of that.

I'm very excited about meeting my neighbors tonight. The long-awaited block party is on in just a few hours. I was going to host it here, but when another girl on the street said they have a nice, shady backyard, it was the best possible option for our 88-degree cookout (That was today's predicted high, but it will feel worse if the sun stays out all afternoon). I'm glad to finally have a little equity on this block.

Drinking Liberally, breaking rules, and seedy bars

I am rushing off to work but I just wanted to say THANKS! to the Drinking Liberally crew. Met them at dish for a lot of grown-up conversation; not exclusively political talk, but they say that the personal is political, right? It's good to get around people who make you think, and are obviously thinkers themselves, after being around so many people who are just comfortable to be around. The bad news is that my blogger alter-ego has been revealed, so no snarky comments on the assembly.

So I broke one of my new guidelines for living last night. Yeah, I stayed out late on a Thursday, even though I have to be at work at 8am. After I left dish, I called a friend whose call I'd missed (they were at Celtic Crossing, but I missed that & had to meet them at the Lamp---ick!). I'd have to say it was worth it---I got to see a friend who has been MIA for the past few weeks, as well as a friend I am used to seeing all the time who I missed last weekend. Add together meeting all those fine people at dish, and I've more than made up for breaking a little rule.

I also fielded phone calls from the tall man after leaving the Lamplighter, which was stupid of me. After all, I'd been doing well on my policy of not talking to him, full stop. It's obvious that last night was a night for breaking rules that I've imposed on my own social life. I'll let you know if they both turn out to be good ones to break or not.