Tuesday, January 31

It's addictive

10 things every single girl must own By Amy Spencer Sure, you've got the perfect shade of lipstick and the little black dress... but is that all you need? Hardly. [edited for blah blah blah] 1. A fabulous photo of yourself We all have that photo: The one where your smile, hair, and (let's be honest) bod all come together in one sexy little package,.... Post that sucker at eye level on your fridge so your male guest can't help but notice it as he checks out if you have beer (see item #5). What he says: "Is that you?" What he means: "Daa-aamn, girl, you're hotter than I realized!" [what you hear: "wow, you sure have aged!"] 2. A pretty pair of heels ... And no, they don't have to be towering stilettos, even a pair of 1-inch kitten heels will make you stride a little more confidently. (Added bonus: The taller you are, the more cute men you'll be able to see around the room.) [oh, so thaaat's my problem] 3. An Eminem CD ... But if all he sees is a stack of girl bands (say, the Indigo Girls, the Go-Go's, Joni Mitchell and the Bridget Jones' Diary soundtrack), he's going to panic. Balance out your collection with one CD, any CD, by Eminem and you have no idea how relieved he'll be. It shows you have an open mind and aren't easily offended—and that's music to any man's ears. [thanks but no thanks; i'm more of an east/west coast feud gal---and i have none of the cd's listed above. although i did impress a guy by having Biggie Smalls' Life After Death one time] 4. A great pickup line... and a way to blow 'em off In this post-chivalrous period, we can't always depend on guys to initiate contact, so prepare thyself with one simple, non-cheesy icebreaker to lay on that cutie who's making his way to your area of the bar. Our favorite: "Hi. Having fun?" (Though a friend of mine has recently taken to asking well-dressed men, "Hetero, homo or metro?") And in cases when a guy initiates contact and you're not interested, better have a better blow-off than "Ummmm, no... " Our suggestion: "Sorry, I don't think the guy I'm seeing would appreciate it." Sure, it's a lie, but it'll let him down easy—without destroying his ego or making him think you're a jerk. [check on the blowoff. i think my pickup lines are too esoteric: me: this party is so postmodern, don't you think? him: (silence. walks off. probably rolling eyes.) 5. A six-pack of good bottled beer A prepared single girl is ready to host and toast at any time. If you want to make a guy-guest feel at home and your girlfriends feel special, skip the mass-produced swill and go for microbrews like the exotically-named Smuttynose Shoals Pale Ale from Portsmouth, New Hampshire or the grandfather of microbrews, Sam Adams Boston Lager. [yeah, i have it if i've just bought it in hopes That Guy will swing by. otherwise--sorry, buddy, i already drank it] 6. Bathroom reading What man doesn't appreciate finding interesting reading in his sweetie's bathroom? So instead of tossing out your magazines when you're done reading them, toss them into a basket by the toilet. No need to go overboard with a stack of Sports Illustrated (if you don't follow sports, that would just be weird), but consider Newsweek or even Cosmopolitan (hey, this may be the only time he's a captive audience and can learn a few things). Or, just buy a book that's made for the bathroom, like Schott's Original Miscellany by Ben Schott ($10.17 at amazon.com) so he can learn a few things about shoelace lengths and sign language while he passes the, uh, time. [bring your own, you dirty man. my mags stay in the living room] 7. A business card After the age of 18, it's no longer cute to scrawl your first name and phone number on a napkin and hand it to a man who wants to call you. So if your job doesn't provide a card or you'd prefer one with your personal email address and phone number on it, then have some made at your local Kinko's. The very budget-bound can get 250 full-color business cards for free from vistaprint.com if you don't mind the company's logo on the backside of the card. Hey, it's better than nothing. A napkin he can lose. A card he'll file and keep. [note to self: get a job] 8. Earplugs Ah, there's nothing sweeter than a man who wants to cuddle up with you in bed for a long night's sleep. Unless — SNZZGGHGHRRJJZZZ! — he snores so loudly you can't get any sleep. Prepare thyself for surprise snorers with a pair of earplugs stashed in your nightstand. (2 pairs of Mack's brand self-described "snore-proof" plugs sell for $2.79 at cvs.com.) [see previous post] 9. A straight male friend on your speed-dial Every girl knows she needs a gay male friend she can go to for fashion advice (a personal Queer Eye for Your Closet). But when it comes to relationship advice, you need another source. While your female friends may have good intentions, if you really want to know if you should call that guy, save the guesswork and go to someone who's been there, done that. [again, see previous post] 10. A condom Hey ladies, you know the drill by now. If you want to be able to have spontaneous fun of the bodily kind, you have to prepare for it yourself. (Your new mantra: If you don't want it to break, you buy it.) [A condom, as in uno? hmph]

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

... not a bad list at all....

Eric of SWG...

newton dominey said...

pretty good list...it's just missing the roast duck with the mango salsa.

hey, how do i get a show in memphis? got any connections or friend bands?

newton dominey said...

by the way, an eminem cd would not impress me nearly as much as something by the clash, costello or springsteen.

one lonely eminem cd would just give me the signal that you're trying to get into my pants.

kinda like the dude who has one jewel cd. you get an f for effort and for bad taste...definitely not gonna need number 10, but you might need more bathroom mags!

Serrabee said...

Ugh! Eminem & Jewel. Also ugh on the Springsteen (sorry!). How 'bout the new Biggie cd & something from Fiona Apple instead of Jewel?
(I'll get back to you on the other question.)