Welcome Back, Kotter

Sorry I have been silent so long, but the holidays screw everything up. Since you did not share tips for things to do on my Vegas trip I am still debating whether or not to share details with you. I will get back with you shortly.

My so-called life pt. 2

So I have come to the end of my free leadership in one volunteer organization, and now embark on paid leadership in another. Sounds good, right? But when you're paid you are a Pavlovian dog, barking when asked, hushing when told. Now that I think of it, who really listened when I barked before? The crickets maybe, but. . . okay, analogy taken too far. I get it. On a lighter note, I am having an appreciation party for the people who actually helped me out in 2004. On the dark side, it will be at my house. So, how to keep the dogs off the furniture (namely the all-black, long-haired dog from the yellow chaise lounge?) until then? Trying to get pet pics online, for those of you who have yet to see the Akita next to the retriever. It is a funny sight. When they play they are so considerate of one another -- the giant lies on the floor so the ballerina-ankled 55-pounder can have the advantage. Man, do I love my dogs. I sometimes think my b'friend could move out, and if he left his dog I might not even notice!

Dirty, Dirty Vegas

Soliciting comments for things to do in Vegas over Thanksgiving. Any ideas? I have a few already, but your help here would save me spending $17 on a proper guidebook.

My so-called life pt. 1

Went to another meeting tonight, this time the membership arm of the organization which shall remain nameless. It's funny how important the right leader is. I could tell we were all getting off track at certain points in the evening, but not only did our fearless leader a) Not make people feel bad for it, but he also B) Let us out on time! And I got a real sandwich and glass of wine. I don't care what people think, I'd rather have edible food than free food. So I have very positive feelings going into 2005 with this crew. I think chairing a subcommittee is fraught with dangers, like the unknown parts on 15th-century maps of the world: "Here Be Monsters," they used to write. And they were right. Monster-slaying is also a thankless job. So, tomorrow's film might be the Che Guevara junt. It had better not be a cartoon superhero thingy, after my previous rant. I have had plenty of kid movies after Spiderman 2, Catwoman, Shark Tale -- it's not like I have an obligation to support the industry or anything. They will be fine, with all the people we see dragging their kids to movie theatres. We actually heard an infant babbling all thru "Ray" -- duuuurr! Or tomorrow's movie might be Bridget Jones, if a certain person whom I used to work with calls me back. I called her twice already, so it's on her. She said Bridget Jones didn't seem like my kind of flick -- any thoughts, those who know me?

David Gest is coming, and he's bringing friends!

I know you don't know who he is, until I say Liza Minelli married him so she could beat him up. And we are the luck recipients of his magnanimous heart. Joy to the world, the Lord of Memphis has come!

By special request

Some "person" who shall remain nameless (J) requested I do more on my own life, which is fine and all -- but I don't want to bore you guys. If real life bores you, like it does me when I'm reading about other people, stop immediately! I went to a board meeting of the membership organization to which I belong (that shall remain nameless) for like 3 whole hours last night. Which should have been followed by 3 whole martinis at Swig, but I was too tired to even finish the second. What I wanted made the bartender come all the way over and warn me against. He said it would "make [my] eyes pucker" to drink a lemondrop without the sugar. Puh-lease. I suck limes for kicks. But the owner was sitting with a friend of ours, who of course was sitting with us, and did the whole "You know this is my place, right?" sleazy swinger thing. I think he's gay & we're all ladies, but still... ewwww, ick. Like I'm impressed. Yes, I'm thankful that you brought this place to town, but get over yourself. Immediately. ANYway, the board meeting was for re-organization, a mini-strategic planning, and the sort of thing where (as those of you who know me personally already are aware) I tend to stick out. Cause I comment constantly. About everything. But guess who was the bigger blabber? Kerr Tigrett, who is honestly as bad as I thought. When your reputation precedes you, it's usually a bad thing. Trust me. There were probably half a dozen people who spoke up as often as I did, or more so, which was good for the planning process. I just hate that some people important to the process were not able to make it. Oooop, Dave Chapelle's on, gotta motor. More later, kids!

COGIC 101

COGIG is a cult that takes over Memphis each fall, and the COGICs are their fearless members, valiantly risking tickets and verbal abuse about town with their blatant disregard for the local law; heroically storming area restaurants and refusing to respect the filthy wait staff; and bravely driving all other business from town that week, including local patrons. I guess you might say it's just a convention. Seriously, though, people in the restaurant business report bad treatment, no tips, etc.; I have been informed by the daughter of a fire chief that they are allowed to park at the risk of blocking hydrants, fire lanes, etc.; and everyone in general loves to see them go. And as you see, they are not just a house of worship. They are in the business of landlording it over us now, too. Don't be fooled by the message of creating affordable housing, my people.

Stage Beauty (tha movie)

Okay, so I've been slow about this. Screw you -- I have more to do than tell your sorry asses about movies you are too lazy to go see. Just kiddin'! I have been quite disappointed to hear that everyone on Planet Earth went to see The Incredibles this weekend. Losers. It's a freakin' comedy for kids, and no, you do not need to recapture your youth. Remember that when you were a little tyke all you wanted was to be big (and now you are -- see my airline post). My solace is in Alfie sucking wind (ha! screw you, too, remake!) So, anyway, the topic at hand is Stage Beauty, starring Billy Crudup (who was funny on The Daily Show), Claire Danes, whom I loved, and Rupert Everett, whom I will always love. (And, yeees, it is "whom" -- trust me, I suffered thru a full 85 minutes of grammar today, kids.) I suppose it was a comedy, albeit a touching one -- Claire Danes just has this way of making you exist in her skin -- so it was a good combo of lightness/downer. I saw it with Colie, who called me out halfway through the film (and the glass of wine -- yay for Studio on the Square!) for clutching my nose like it was about to fall off. Those of you who know me know that I do that reflexively when it is cold, which those of you who know me also know is half the damned time. SO, go see it, babies, instead of more silly spoon-fed cartoons.

The COGICs are coming!

Well, it ain't so bad, cause so is Norah Jones.

Today's tip: Go on a diet.

And we thought high gasoline prices were behind the fare increases on major airlines. I suppose it is a kind of Catch-22, because slimmer passengers would require less fuel consumption, but if people were just as fat & fuel cost less, prices would go down proportionally. I'm still going on a diet.

Happy birthday, Ethan Hawke

you cheating b*st*rd! I am a day late, due to some technical difficulties involving my personal life. . . In case you slept well last night, here is a new nightmare for you. (This coming from a girl who spent her formative years within spitting distance of a nuclear facility.) If it's fish today, what will it be tomorrow? Saw this new/old TV for sale today -- is it not insane that we are regressing in invention to the point that new things are only cool if they look old? Except for mobile phones, I guess. They have yet to invent one with a rotarty-look display (as far as I know anyway).

One-line Movie Reviews

Haven't done my film reviews in a while. This fall's offerings have been pretty slim, in my opinion, with the exception of "Ray" -- better acting by far than "Ali" although quite similar in feel, era, issues. [Replace 'religious politics' and 'boxing' with 'drugs' and 'music'.] B'friend/in-house movie critic felt the difference was due to Michael Mann (Heat) directing "Ali" -- as opposed to Taylor Hackford, who is responsible for "When We Were Kings" (the 'other' Muhammed Ali movie). Of course, I have seen other films recently: Not so recently, I saw Hero, but I know it didn't get shown everywhere, so if you have a chance to see it on DVD, do so. I also liked i heart huckabees, as I think I have already mentioned. Not bad, actually: Mr. 3000 cause I love Bernie Mac. Not to spoil it for you, but Paul Sorvino is perfect as team manager -- although he has almost no lines in this. Shark Tale -- cute, but I think b'friend laughed more at the preview of it than during the actual film. Going to see Stage Beauty tonight, so I'll let y'all know how that is -- should be entertaining. Looking forward to: Motorcycle Diaries (yes, it's out, I just didn't get around to it before it left the theatres here); Kinsey, for curiosity's sake; Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, which is kinda weird cause b'friend thinks I look like her -- is it before or after the movie weight?; and Finding Neverland. . . or am I? It must just be the pull of the Depp!

Welcome back!

I think I am recovering from the election now -- whew! I hope it was not just me who has been driven to distraction by the whole fiasco. Was the rest of the world completely sane? Check this out!

Truly the end now.

Big K has finally given up the ghost, life is returning to its normal state of chaos, explosions, and baaaaaaad international diplomacy. This is what's been running through my mind today. Call me a sore loser. So people are asking, what's going on in that monkey noggin? Who is the real Bush 2? And what's he going to unleash now -- good, better, or worse? Ya know what, dumbasses? We're not winning a war on terror. We're not actually fighting one, in fact. didn't know I was unAmerican

Dum-da-dum-dum

Well, that's all, folks. We tried. . . I know they are saying it's still up in the air, but I'm sure the Republican shenanigans have enabled the Bush machine to steal the vote again. The silver lining is 125 million voters are estimated to have particpated in this election.

THIS IS IT!

If you haven't voted, you have no choice but to DIE, according to P. Diddy (Diddy P?). I am so nervous -- sweaty palms, dry mouth, heart palpitations just thinking about the next 4 years. The current electoral vote predictor says it's basically a tie. Crap! If we have the evil monkey as President again, I will kick something really, really hard! (Don't worry, Max!) I saw a funny bumper sticker today -- it looked exactly like the "W The President" ones, excpet it read "F The President". Hee-hee! Why are liberals so much funnier than conservatives? Here is some joke material for you fellow W-haters. Watch this while you wait for election results.

Sorry I haven't more time to post

Sorry I haven't more time to entertain; go here and take The Classic IQ Test. And go vote tomorrow, dammit! I mean it!