Why not me, Lord?

I can't friggin' BELIEVE Oprah! She has gone mad. Did you see that she gave away a new car to her audience members this week? I know she doesn't have to pay for it, but I would worry if I were her. Soon nobody will go watch the show for its own sake, they'll just be there for the freebies. But I bet the audience will cheer like SuperBowl fans from now on. Wait, they already do that. What's wrong with people? Do they just get caught up in the moment, or are their lives that devoid of joy except for Oprah? I am bitter. I admit it!