addendum

My last post reminded me that I really haven't given many details on my dating life lately. Assuming you will gather that I haven't really had one, I haven't bothered to write about what isn't. Yeah, I know I said I was going to try juggling multiple dates, but as I suspected---that didn't work out. As soon as I had Date 1 with Boy 2, I realized he was a closet weirdo. He had some movie he'd made that he wanted me to watch or, at least, read its script (which he'd written). I make a rule not to read the poetry and other literary efforts of people I don't want to offend cause I'm a bad liar. As in, when I say: "No, really, it's great... it's just so deep that I can't read it all right now!" what I really mean is obvious to the budding writer: This is crap. Usually it is crap, and if you say that's just my opinion & doesn't matter... well, why did you ask me to read your crap in the first d@mn place?? I digress. What happened after Date 1 with Boy 2 earlier this month was that Boy 1 got even more clingy and boyfriend-ish, so I eventually ceased all communications with him. Not in an honest, forthright way---like, "You're annoying me and it's not that I never want to see you again. I just want it to be a really long time before I do. And not on a date with you. So, yeah, it is like I never want to see you again." So now I'm back to square 1: being either too impatient, too standoffish, or too picky. Or maybe all 3 of those. All I really want, in no particular order:

• personality that doesn't require mine supplementing it during conversation
• intellect and ability to communicate it (no nutty professors, though)
• hobbies! seriously. get some interests or you're a pretty boring person.
• respect: for me, for yourself, and for the feelings of others
• ability to make decisions and come up with creative solutions to everyday problems (like where to go to lunch; please don't always leave it up to me, or stick to the same 3 places!)
• sense of humor---and that's a deal-breaker---preferrably one as weird and dark as mine

Otherwise, I'm fine with the companionship I already have. See, that's not so hard, is it? I didn't even mention looks or finances, and I'm not a shallow person. And you don't have to love my music, as long as you love some kind of music (even if it's awful 60's ballads or something). But, having seen much of what's out there, I'll either have to move or give up until the guys my age start getting divorced til I get another date. Cause I'm not settling---the bare minimum is just not negotiable, y'all.

reason not to date seriously #27

Woman Swallows Cell Phone After Argument A lovers' dispute over a cell phone took a serious turn early Friday morning when the woman ended the spat by swallowing the phone whole. Police said they received a call at 4:52 a.m. from a man who said his girlfriend was having trouble breathing. When they arrived at the house they found the 24-year-old woman had a cell phone lodged in her throat."He wanted the phone and she wouldn't give it to him, so she attempted to swallow it," Detective Sgt. Steve Decker of the Blue Springs Police Department. "She just put the entire phone in her mouth so he couldn't get it." Police said an ambulance transported the woman to St. Mary's Medical Center in Blue Springs. A hospital spokeswoman said she couldn't give details about the woman's health since police have not released her identity. Decker said police had closed investigations on the swallowing, the first such incident of its kind here."This is the first I've heard of this happening," said Decker. "I don't know what kind of phone it was. I don't know if it was on ring or vibrate, either." [CBS Strange News]

Real fvck!ng cute, Detective. A woman is asssaulted by her boyfriend---the most common cause of murders in this country is domestic disputes, so it's the #1 thing you should be looking for here---and you call the press, give them a "cute" one-liner, and add your own joke on to it. Here is the real story. Wonder why the police couldn't wait to close their investigation to get her side of the story first?

A woman who police thought had deliberately tried to swallow her cellphone during an argument with her boyfriend was apparently the victim of an assault instead, authorities in Blue Springs said. "It appears she didn't voluntarily swallow this phone," Kintz said. Police would not say whether the boyfriend was a suspect.

Early Friday, police responded to a call from a man who said his 24-year-old irlfriend was having trouble breathing. Police arrived to find a woman with a cellphone lodged in her throat. Police were initially told the boyfriend wanted the phone and the woman tried to swallow it so that he could not get it. [LA Times]

Um, yeah, dumbasses---who here could actually speak to the police to defend himself? Right: the attacker, not the victim, as is so often the case. But the police told their "cute" version news media, and here are all the cute leads they got to write for the original "story":

"Woman swallows cellphone playing "keep-away" from boyfriend" "Tactic Begs The Question, 'Mub Wou Ear Me Mow?'" "It was a conversation stopper." "We've all been there. Your spouse or loved one drives you to the breaking point, and you have no other choice than to swallow their cell phone."

This makes me wonder: Just how desperate are the news media to compete with blogs and other alternative mediums for news? And how much can we trust the big news stories, if the small ones are such gross fabrications?

Lessons

Well, I'm back in Ktown less than a month after leaving it. Why do they cram the winter holidays together and we get nothin' between July 4th and Labor Day? Being back here makes me nostalgic, but not in a good way. This place seems to stay the same the more it changes. My sister just moved back to town, making it more enticing but still not enough. I think I've learned a lot about life & how to live it since I've lived in Knoxville full-time. The world is so much bigger than the scope of anyone's hometown. Except maybe for military brats. There is such constant change that I think it's good to be flexible whenever possible. I have figured out that not only does the majority not "rule" in any way, the values of the majority are often just plain wrong. Mostly we are a very backward society. Consumer culture and a free-enterprise market economy are destroying us. I want to go live in the woods somewhere and quit buying crap for the rest of my life. But I think I'd be lonely. I think I've also learned why people need each other. Often it's just to reaffirm their life choices, sometimes it's to provide vicarious experiences, but it's always to reassure them about their character; that's why we best like the people who are like us. Most importantly, maybe, is really, truly, and seriously don't care about what people think about you unless you have a really good reason to respect their opininons. Mostly people are like flotsam & jetsam that float thru your life without having much impact on it. What you remember are the experiences, not the nasty little jabs people make. I can't wait to get back to Memphis. This town is suffocating me already & I just got back here. Plus, I'm missing all the good music this weekend. Harrumphf.

Nifty Art Gifties

For the person who has everything, art is always the perfect gift. Buy a photo to benefit the World Trade Center Memorial and give the gift that gives twice. [via Gothamist] I like this idea for public art: make a park out of a parking space. [via Boing Boing via Laughing Squid] Or just make your own graffitti art like this guy. [via Miamist] Buy a book about art if you are ignorant of its history. Or, turn your own head into art with the Leopard Look, this season's hot hairdo for gay boys. [via Gawker] Happy Holidays!

A holiday moment for the faithless

Wow. I just interviewed a dually-diagnosed mental health consumer (that is, someone with a mental illness and drug or alcohol addiction combined) who was homeless a few holiday seasons ago. Now she has an apartment, a monthly disability check, TennCare, and a Christmas tree with presents under it for her family. What makes it such a neat story is that she is so, so happy and feels so, so blessed to have what she does (still no car, no family nearby, and no boyfriend). I felt so greedy I could cry. But I didn't actually cry after all. Then she called me ma'm and she's old enough to be my mother. It was a weird, skin-crawly feeling to hear it and want to correct her, but not want to interrupt her to do it. Happy holidays.

Pho Saigon kicks Pho Hoa Binh's a$$

I love the Pho Tom soup (#17) at Pho Saigon more than just about any other soup in the world. It is also the cheapest lunch in town, so yummy on a wintry day. Clear broth with noodles and shrimp with the lovely accompaniment of cilantro, basil, lemon juice and crispy bean sprouts... sluuuurp! Still love ya, Pho Hoa Binh, but sometimes tofu just ain't enough for a girl. Sorry. I may have to take a few days off from blogging, since it is imperative that I make many lists, like:

1. A list of groceries for the holiday gathering this weekend: appetizers (pre-made, this year, sorry!) cheese, wine, apple juice + brandy for the cider, perhaps stuff for crackers & dip;
2. Another list of additional crap to buy: strings of white lights, poinsettias, and tea lights to decorate the house;
3. Holiday music playlist (should burn cd's so I can use a cd player instead of the computer);
4. A to-do list: clean, clean, clean!

Public Service Announcement

I love Craig's List! Here's the most recent reason why:

TITLE: Ladies - if you meet this guy --- RUNNNNNNNNN! He likes to describe himself as kind, average good looks, close to 6' tall, ... yada yada yada ... That's [sic] what you get: Monkey man, 5'4", long arms down to his knees, short legs, big belly (cant see his toes), bold [sic], oily scalp, sweats all the time, watches only kid's cartoons (4 - 6 hrs in a row), eats like a pig, and he is so BROKE ... He has not had sex in 6 years (surprise!!), and his tiny little piss tool is about 3 inches total ... saw him naked, started laughing, and ran ................ Watch the initials M.B.! Maybe next time I post a picture :)

It's the little things that lighten our burdens in life. OK, back to work!

The Christmas Song

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire Jack Frost nipping at your nose Yuletide carols being sung by a choir And folks dressed up like Eskimos Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe Help to make the season bright Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow Will find it hard to sleep tonight. They know that Santa's on his way he's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh And every mother's child is gonna spy To see if reindeer really know how to fly. And so I'm offering this simple phrase To kids from one to ninety-two Although it's been said many times, many ways Merry Christmas to you. Mel Torme (c) 1946 Ever wonder how and why people started celebrating Christmas? We know Jesus wasn't born in December, and the exact date of his birth isn't even known. I'm sure you've all heard that the Romans elevated it to the stature of a big celebration to coincide with the Saturnalia feast around the winter solstice. Also that the trees were a druid symbol, having nothing to do with the Biblical Jesus. We also know that the Puritans hated Christmas because it was a frivolous display and gifts were, to them, an unncessary indulgence. So why is it that we've created a mythology around the birth of Jesus that actually has nothing to do with him & his teachings? It's almost like every aspect of Christmas is intentionally going against everything he believed in. Seriously. Read the gospel accounts of the birth In Matt & Luke---they bear individual similarites to our story of the star, shepherds & magi but when you look at it, they cannot individually be taken to be anything like our tradition of wrapping gifts to put under the tree (and make believe that some old, white, bearded fellow left them). Santa Claus is weird, too, when you think about him. He is the vehicle which allows us to pretend that we don't spend tons of money buying each other crap we don't need. We dress him up in right clothing and exaggerated features---big beard, big belly, big nose, big hat---so we don't have to think about a real person spending all that cash on toys and electronics---unless you're reading Forbes magazine. That puts it into perspective in an eerie way: Santa's unlimited wealth is actually our own, and we choose to spend our resources buying crap that will either be forgotten or broken in a few months. And yet, I have also spent money on presents for my family. We go with the flow no matter what our actual convictions may be.

blog: hear this, all you b!tches

To all you b!tches who haven't even looked at my evite yet: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? You all know me; you know I'm not a patient person... you don't have to respond yet, just open the email, click the link, and give me the satisfaction of knowing you know so I don't have to call you up. Geez.

Holy sheet!

This could be bad... in about 40 years or so, whenever my generation's finally eligible for social security benefits: Benefits May Be Cut to Cover College Debts By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS Published: December 7, 2005 WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Supreme Court ruled unanimously Wednesday that the government can seize a person's Social Security benefits to pay old student loans. Retiring Justice Sandra Day O'Connor wrote the decision that went against a disabled man, James Lockhart, who had sued claiming he needed all of his $874 monthly check to pay for food and medication. His government benefits had been cut by 15 percent to cover debts he incurred for college in the 1980s. Lockhart also lost at the San Francisco-based 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, which said that Congress had eliminated a 10-year time limit on the government's right to seek repayment on defaulted student loans by seizing payments, including Social Security, to individuals. The Bush administration had maintained that the case was important because outstanding student loans total about $33 billion, which includes about $7 billion in delinquent debt. Of the delinquent loans, about half are over 10 years old, government lawyers have said. Justices were called on to clarify federal laws that sent conflicting messages about the collection of loans that are more than a decade old. In a concurring opinion, Justice Antonin Scalia said that Congress ''unambiguously authorized, without exception, the collection of 10-year-old student loan debt ... in doing so, it flatly contracted and thereby effectively repealed part of the Social Security Act.'' He complained that Congress in passing laws often wrongly claims that these acts cannot be changed in the future. Such an attempt ''does no favor to the members of Congress, and to those who assist in drafting their legislation,'' Scalia wrote. Groups like the AARP and the National Consumer Law Center had urged the court to safeguard Social Security benefits in the Lockhart case, arguing they ''are critical in preserving a measure of financial independence for older and disabled workers.'' Lockhart, 67, a former postal worker who now lives in public housing in Seattle, has heart disease, diabetes and other health problems. He has about $77,000 in student loan debt.

i forgot to add...

I AM DONE WITH ALL MY HOLIDAY SHOPPING ALREADY!!!!!!!!! WOO-HOO! I am very proud of myself. That is all, thank you.

breaking news of the world

Fritolaysia Cuts Off Chiplomatic Relations With Snakistan November 30, 2005 | Issue 41•48

KARUNCHI, SNAKISTAN—Citing crumbling relations due to years of protracted french-onion diplomacy, the president of the Central Asian doritocracy Fritolaysia withdrew the country's ambassadors from Snakistan Monday.

"We have been supplying the people of Snakistan with pre-packaged consumable goods for over 40 years, and for them to show resistance to our savory products is unacceptable," Fritolaysian President Barbbaku Chedar said, referring to Snakistani officials' unwillingness to adhere to Fritolaysia's zesty new initiative introduced during a between-meals conference at last week's international-trading summit held in München, Germany.

"Fritolaysia has no choice but to crumple up and throw away all chiplomatic ties with the greedy, gluttonous government of Snakistan," Chedar added.

AND, MY PERSONAL FAVORITE: RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs November 30, 2005 | Issue 41•48

LOS ANGELES—The Recording Industry Association of America announced Tuesday that it will be taking legal action against anyone discovered telling friends, acquaintances, or associates about new songs, artists, or albums. "We are merely exercising our right to defend our intellectual properties from unauthorized peer-to-peer notification of the existence of copyrighted material," a press release signed by RIAA anti-piracy director Brad Buckles read. "We will aggressively prosecute those individuals who attempt to pirate our property by generating 'buzz' about any proprietary music, movies, or software, or enjoy same in the company of anyone other than themselves." RIAA attorneys said they were also looking into the legality of word-of-mouth "favorites-sharing" sites, such as coffee shops, universities, and living rooms.

oop ack!

quoth Bill the Cat. My blog is gone, apparently. It makes me think I should have backed up once upon a time... but that would take preparation and time, and blogging is all about being in the moment. I think. Maybe it's about listening to the voices inside your head instead of the constant conversation in the world's atmosphere (whatever, you know what I mean). Man am I tired for 9pm.

the event of the season is coming!

I will once again bust out the aluminum tree, jazz records, and festive garland for my semi-annual holiday party. What I like most about the holiday season is the gathering together and the drinking of the punch and the making merry. As I've gotten older, the gifts have lost some of their importance as the reality has set in: you can't ever remember what you got a few weeks later, while the times you shared are still with you. Unless you have been enjoying the drinking of the holiday punch a little too much.... It's finally semester's end, which seemed a long time in coming but actually rushed right along as I look back on it. That makes no sense, unless you believe time is all a matter of perspective. Suffice it to say I'll be glad to finish up next week. And then, of course, the party! So it looks like the weather's cooperating a little more with the calendar, not that that's a good thing. Like most people I enjoy snow but don't like the cold so much by itself. It seems that in Memphis all we get is cold and wet during our winters. (This coming from the girl who was in Fla. last Christmas for the big blizzard.) Growing up in Knoxville it was a rare winter when we didn't get at least one decent sledding opportunity. I remember putting plastic bags over my socks (under shoes or boots) for those really wet snows. (That is not the most picturesque memory, is it?) Maybe it will snow when I'm there in a few weeks and I can relive my past. Without the plastic bags, I hope.

Holiday events

La Boheme at the U of M this tonight ---although I just saw Opera Memphis do it a few years ago at the Orpheum, I think it is one of my favorites (partly b/c I am a closet romantic & like to go cry at it). It's a good performance for the holidays & balances out all the cheery crap quite well. Maybe they're doing it partly b/c of the new Rent movie coming out, too. On Sunday, go to the Holiday Art Bazaar at P&H to support some of our funnest, most coolest local artists. Including this guy.

so's ya know

my timing mechanism seems to be messed up. I am a couple hours off and some posts even showed up on the wrong days (wtf?!?). My apologies. Oooh, and also my blog ticker is at 5151 as of now. Kuhl. Wish I had a present for the 515st visitor but I don't; surely I'll have one for the 5555th?

well, that sucked

So I had date with #2 boy tonight. Briefly. Went out for a drink (had 2) and some conversation (had much). I s'pose it didn't really suck in the grand scheme of things---but first dates usually suck somehow. I think he was rude at the end, and I'm beginning to think all men are simply not worth the effort one has to invest. Or maybe all the good ones are taken & in a few years, perhaps, they're going to start getting divorces & be available again. Not that he turned out to be a bad guy over all, but I tend to suspect someone who tells me more than 3 times over 2 drinks how beautiful I am. Of what do I suspect them? Not sure. Unreliability? Alcoholism? Hopeless romanticism? Stupidity? Anyway, it's just excessive. If I don't seem flattered the first time, I sure won't be the second and third time. Also in the dating news, the other boy called me tonight. FOUR TIMES. And left messages each time, since I didn't answer AT ALL. Who doesn't get that message? (Answer: dumb people don't.) I think I may be destined to be single. Dating is exhausting, and you just get used to sleeping alone after a few months. It seems preferable. Or maybe two beds (like Rob & Laura Petrie had) is the way to go? Maybe I'm just tired and things will seem rosier in the A.M.

so far this week

Well, it seems the week is almost over & what do I have to show for it? Considering how much time I've spent either in the liberry, in class, or in bed, it seems that I've had a pretty boring one. And those are the highlights! Also this week:

• My mortgage payments went up for next year. Taxes, of course. And maybe hazard insurance too.
• My credit card bills went up as well, with Christmas, my niece's birthday, and all the holiday travel expenses.
• Then I just had to buy this cute sparkly top the other day although I have no festive holiday parties lined up yet (hoping that will change soon) adding to the credit card bill. Yuk.
• Plus it is getting cold and I hate walking around campus all day with a cold, wet, sniffly nose.

I just hope the rest of the month looks up from here.