I didn't drown yesterday--

thankfully, and surprisingly, didn't lose my bikini top, either. I do think my friend was trying to sling me off the back of his sea-doo, though. I will have to examine our friendship. Just cause you've known someone as long as you can remember does not mean he is your friend. The weather was perfect, Melton Hill Lake was gorgeous, clear and sparkly like it can be on its best days. I also remember times growing up when I wasn't allowed to swim in it for days because they were treating it for algae or something. Yik. We went to the tiny island where dozens of Great Blue Herons, ospreys and buzzards all live together. I never knew those birds were so social, but they all nested very close to each other and kept up a constant stream of chatter (except the buzzards, of course--they just watched & waited quietly for a baby to fail in its first attempt at flight). The island sounded like the monkey enclosures at the zoo. I'll be heading back to Memphis tomorrow, kids, so look out!

someone explain this to me, please

I am now an old person -- my niece was playing games on the Neopets site all last week and I stumbled across the site today. Sadly, in true oldster style, I cannot even wrap my mind around them. Computer games are just beyond my natural capabilities. Now that I think of it, I sucked in the traditional arcades, too. It's all because my parents wouldn't buy us an Atari! Of course, as a result, I read constantly and made up a lot of outdoor games. As a result, I am not too stupid or fat. Not to say my niece will be either of those -- she is already in an accelerated class & plays soccer, so she's not the Playstation/Gameboy type of kid. I am worried she'll be one in a vast sea of stupid fatties one day.

dreams

I hardly ever remember my dreams anymore. When I was younger I had many vivid struggles against various forces in my life -- teachers, friends, issues kids all have -- and when I woke I'd be exhausted. Now I sleep, I don't dream. I used to be an insomniac, too, and that's passed. Last night I had a dream just like those old ones. Maybe it's sleeping at my parents' house, or just a matter of waking at the right moment for remembering. Anyway, I woke up rarin' to go, do, be productive -- for a change! Maybe this is a new trend. I sure need more energy these days. Maybe my chi is messed up or something....

where did everybody go?

I guess people drop off the face of the blogosphere when you quit posting for 10 days. Sometimes blogging seems a little silly. Those of you who know me understand why that is; those who don't probably never will. Sorry, but I'm a very private person. I have been vegetating & meditating for the past 2 weeks so that isn't conducive to creative writing; not until it is all over. I had some funny thoughts as I was boating on Norris Lake yesterday but didn't have anywhere to stash a pen & paper so they are forever lost. Also didn't have anywhere to put my phone (first time in bikini in 2005--after 3-wk absence from gym & tanning bed=pity for onlookers!). I missed 2 calls from ex-b.f. which indicated that on an average day I was missing a call or 2 w/out ever knowing it. Sorry, but my phone is off. If you are too lazy -- aren't smart enough -- to leave a voicemail, I do not know you have called a million times. And cannot return calls that disappear into the ether. Now you know.

no more anonymous comments

I am sick of pussies posting anonymous comments. Mostly on other blogs, acutally, I have seen mean-spirited attacks on posts by people who forget that it is the reader's choice to read shit s/he doesn't agree with. But I got a bitchy comment from an idiot who read all the way back to a post in April and left gratuitous profanity on my comments, which I also don't approve of. If you are so offended by the shit I'm writing, why are you reading it over 6 weeks later, dumbass? So, no more anonymous posting here at the rock'n'roll planet. It's my place to say what I choose, not yours.

things I'm embarassed about

An ongoing list. To begin:

1. I have seriously considered getting some invisible earplugs for rock shows. I swear to god. I'm gettin' old, man.
2. I'd rather be mean than stupid.
3. I stayed home the other week on a Friday night reading left-leaning political magazines. And it felt good.
4. Every time my ex calls I pick up the damn phone. Almost every time. It's some sick compulsion, I dunno.
5. I don't hate JLo for wearing fur.
6. I hate her for being beautiful.
7. Sadly, I don't hate her at all. I like JLo. That's what's embarassing!
8. I spend more money than is good for me.
9. I love reading other peoples' confessions.
10. I am prejudiced against Australians. (It's the accent.) Toni Collette is the exception.
11. I am sad when no one comments on a post I consider particularly clever.

a mind too open will get ya in a heap o' trouble

Taking ex-boyfriend #18 (whatever)'s advice got Serrabee into some trouble this week at the old homestead. "Get out even if ya don't feel like it; go out alone more. It'll grow on you," or words to that effect. Shows what he knows about what a single girl can and cannot to in a scruffy little city like KnoxVegas. Venturing out on Weds. night, just not ready to go home to a quiet house after an evening with friends, I went to the closest bar to the parents' house: Applebee's. Now, you'll have to forgive Serrabee for sounding naive. All the Memphis locations closed down last year and I wasn't going there anyway, so I really have forgotten what they're like. They're kinda trashy, for those of you who have also washed the Applebee's dust off over a decade ago. So by extension, Serrabee was pegged as a trashy female out on the prowl. Yeah, I'm guilty of being a female out alone at the bar watching the NBA playoffs. So sue me, shoot me, whatever the kids are saying now... I went. And at first was amused by the Trekkies across from me, shamelessly eavesdropping (my second favorite hobby). Then some really nice guy asked who I was pulling for in the Pacers/Pistons matchup, so we chatted for all of 45 seconds. Perfect. Then these two guys come in, no seats together at the bar, so they proceed to stand over me. I offer to move---which sparks a 2-hour long conversation until halftime of the Mavs/Suns game. My mistake, I suppose, but I really was motivated by not wanting them to sit between me & the tv. One cute + one not-so-cute. They were not my type, I mean at all. Nice but I'd have to describe them as the UT-fan type. Ergo, not my type. Soooo, it was not-so-cute one's bday on Thurs. & they were going to rent a limo & go out on the town, they told me, and I was invited. Imagine that. First I tried being evasive, then politely declining, to no avail. They pressured me into giving up the cell phone number. I sooo hate that. Anyway, the cute guy had to drive not-so-cute (and now also drunk guy) back to their hotel so we said goodbye (finally). Only it wasn't really goodbye--cute guy came back! He punched my number into his phone right there, so I couldn't give a fake one. If he'd have called it he'd have found out, so there was no way of getting out of it (so that's when I thought up this great new invention). Then he threatened to return after dropping his friend off. I told him I would be gone, so had to leave my drink & run away before he came back. Then I was worried he'd call so I turned the phone off (but just got a 3am msg from my ex asking if he was a bad person). How did I escape? Kept my phone off all day, and left town the next day. Seriously guys, just because we're out in a bar without another one of you does not mean we want you to hit on us! That's my dating tip of the week. Stay tuned for more on my freshly single lifestyle.

product idea from Serrabee!

What if I invented a decoy cellphone? If random guy in bar asks for your number; you don't want to give it out. Maybe you enjoyed talking to him, maybe you're dating somebody already, maybe you just wanted a free drink with no strings (I'm not saying any of these is me, kids!). But you can't just give him a fake number. See, the problem is this: if you transpose digits in your own number (for example) he just might call it on the spot & discover you switched a digit (and trust me, cause it's happened to me). Then guy makes a scene & you've defeated the purpose of the digit swap in the first place. What's a girl to do? Whip out her phony phone, of course! Seriously, it could work. You carry around a phone that has a certain dummy number---maybe programmable so you can also conceal where you're from---in case of situations like this. If someone within a 200' range calls the number, it rings. No need to actually answer, he's heard it ring & knows he's got you. Only... the phone doesn't actually receive calls. It's a $15 walkie talkie from the Spy Store. And you got your free drink & got out gracefully. Lovely.

Blogthings - Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male

Blogthings - Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male Well, who'd have thought it. Hmm. I do apologize for the lame posts; I'm visiting my parents this week & don't have a lot of time in front of the monitor. I'm driving back tomorrow for BBQ Fest & will return this weekend. Speaking of Memphis in May, I'm getting a group together for Sunset Symphony again this year---anyone who wants to join us, email me.

For those of you who don't actually know me:

Blogthings - How's Your Taste in Music?: " Your Taste in Music: 80's Alternative: High Influence 90's Hip Hop: Medium Influence Adult Alternative: Medium Influence Old School Hip Hop: Medium Influence Progressive Rock: Medium Influence Punk: Medium Influence 80's Pop: Low Influence 80's R&B: Low Influence 80's Rock: Low Influence 90's Alternative: Low Influence 90's R&B: Low Influence Alternative Rock: Low Influence Classic Rock: Low Influence Dance: Low Influence Hip Hop: Low Influence R&B: Low Influence " Thought you'd like to know. Actually, I cannot agree with a few of these--how can you say Classic Rock had a low influence on anyone who grew up in KnoxVegas? Also, what the hell is adult alternative? And if Singles was my favorite soundtrack--maybe still is--has that not influenced my musical taste? And how do you separate 80's from 90's alternative in the grand scheme? Anyway, try it yourself if you're bored.

Who doesn't loooove this new Nike option of designing your own shoes? I mean, who cares how they fit---it's just too fun to click around on all the colors like paint-by-numbers! Plus, it makes cool clicks and beeps like you're in some high-tech tennis shoe design lab. Or something.

a moment with Ozzy

Rocker Ozzy Osbourne has been diagnosed with Parkin Syndrome and will have to take daily medication for the rest of his life to combat the involuntary shudders associated with the condition. The former Black Sabbath star was given the all-clear for Parkison's disease in 2003, after he complained his tremors were "practically destroying (his) life". And the 56-year-old singer presumed his body shakes were a result of a lifetime of drug abuse, until doctors recently told him he has inherited the condition from his relatives. He says, "I'd always assumed it was the booze and stuff. Now I've found it all stems from the family. It's called Parkin but it's not Parkinson's. Anything to do with the central nervous system has the word Parkin in it. A doctor in Los Angeles tried to tell me I had multiple sclerosis. And I believed him until I had a second opinion. When I told my sister she said, 'Not you as well? Mum had that and Auntie Elsie and your grandma.' 'I'm like, 'Thanks for f**king telling me'. Me walking around thinking I've got some drug paralysis.'

Time Travelers of the World, Unite!

Soooo, what do you think a convention of time travelers would be like? See, this is the kind of thing you can spare the time for when you have an unlimited supply of it. Go to your convention, then after travel back in time to take care of all the obligations you blew off to attend it. Makes sense to me.

Actually, they contend that theirs is the only time traveler convention the world needs, because people from the future can travel to it anytime they want.

Have I told you lately

That I love Firefox? The luxury of tabbing over IE, plus all the extensions you can get really make it easy & fun. Combined with Thunderbird's almighty junk-mail blocker I have become unstoppable! Mwahahahahahaha! I just hate that when I purchase a new computer I have to buy all the Microsoft shit whether I want it or not. I mean, is it even possible to really get rid of all of it? NO! Cause you even get rid of your calculator function, etc. if you do that. So it sits there & takes up all this space just so you can have a g#dd*mmed calculator cause you only know your 12 times tables, cause who ever uses anything else except the occasional 7's (for days of the week or whatever). B*st*rds.

Memphis in the Meantime

Apparently 36 hours is all most people can spend in this town. Check out Robert Gordon's piece in today's Times. (What, you haven't signed up yet?) He wrote this book, connected with this CD, which spawned a cultural movment, the latest event of which is this festival in a country where people appreciate music. Of couse, they've had lots of practice---and learned from terrible mistakes in sound (just the first one that popped into my head, I'm sure there's centuries of them).

FINALLY finished

Whew! I actually began to feel as though I'd never finish. Now I just sit back & wait for the A's to roll in. Hee hee! In the meantime, I'm going to sit on my buddy's awesome roof downtown (well, in The Edge district) and perhaps swing by the mighty Buclater. Cause I'm such a late-night kid, right? HA! Must go nap to conserve strength for the evening's revels.

This has probably happened to you, yeah?

Only in less of a gorgeous-star style. May 4, 2005 -- BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie made so much noise during an animalistic sex session at their Kenyan love nest that security rushed to their room, Star magazine claims. The celeb-obsessed weekly — which breathlessly dubs the Pitt/Jolie affair "the romance of the century" — quotes an insider at the luxury Alfajari Villas beach resort as saying the couple's loud lovemaking "sounded like a wounded animal, like someone being killed!" According to Star, "worried guards grabbed their weapons," rushed to Pitt and Jolie's suite and "hammered furiously on the door with their clubs." Suddenly, the screams stopped, and Pitt's voice was heard from inside the $2,000-a-night villa. "Everything is cool guys," he supposedly said. "You can leave — we're OK." Star reports it found an entry in the Alfajari's "disturbance log" at 2 a.m. on April 20. "People here have great respect for men with sexual prowess who keep their women pleased," the mag quotes an "onlooker." Even better, "another local" relates, "Miss Jolie got so excited, the guards thought maybe Mr. Pitt was taking juju herbs to give him the strength of a lion."

Somebody tell me where to get some juju herbs!!! Rowr!

My to-do list for this weekend

(of course, my weekend begins tomrrow!):

• Wash puppy dog in preparation for visit to parents
• Clean up auto so said parents don't think I'm a slob
• Laundry (ditto)
• Make plans with Knoxvillians so I'm not rotting at house where I spent 15 of the first 18 years of life
• Meditate on meaning of life

Am I forgetting anything?

As Jon Stewart says,

And now, ladies and gentlemen, here is your moment of Zen.

Still. Working. On paper. Sigh. It's a beautiful day, but do I get to share any of it? Nooooo, because I don't have a laptop. Waaaah! p.s. I feel like an ass for not calling my sister on her birthday; I had no idea what month it was, much less the date! Sorry, Professor!

slamming famous faces

This, my friends, is one hilarious post. We were just talking about this problem a couple of weeks ago, so I feel a psychic blogging connection. I'm sure we could all add a few to the list, like my personal favorite, Anna Kournikova. It pisses me off that I can even spell her name right without checking! Grrr.

Sorry, peoplez

I was writing up the MusicFest Part Deux post last night when I had a spyware shutdown. If I find out where I've visited that gave me all that crap, you can be sure retribution will be swift. But that will never happen, so in the meantime I have to move on with my life. Right now I just don't have the energy to re-do what I've done. I have exams this week, did I mention that a zillion times yet?

guess who had an earthquake?

and. . . guess who didn't notice it AGAIN -- yes, moi! Someone emailed me to let me know it happened. I have not even turned on the news in days. Of course it was only a 4.1 again, and the epicenter was a ways away from here. All these small quakes are good for releasing tension in the New Madrid fault, so I can be a little relieved about that. But they are unpleasant reminders that we're living on a fault line, though not as active as the San Andreas in California (strike-slip fault info here). Notice how we name our earthquake zones after Hispanic places? Seems racist to me.

BSMF pt I

was a blast yesterday! Unfortunately we spent the first couple hours of our planned stay there at some cookout instead. A cookout of losers. It was all dental students (joy) and their trashy, over-done girl friends. The only one who bothered to introduce herself to me was a stripper. No matter, cause when we got there no one we really wanted to see was on anyway. After we had gotten our footlong Pronto Pups, beers (a bargain at $3 each) and potty trips all taken care of, we headed down to the NBA stage to check out the North MS Allstars, which was a redneck magnet (surprisingly). My friend had to offer violence to some asshole for shoving me aside. But the show rocked, and despite getting separated from each other (hint: never let your friend carry your cellphone at a shindig like that) we had a great time. to be continued. . .