Monday, August 7

Block Party Pooper

Okay, I'm officially not the person who over-plans and regulates everyone else's fun times. The new Queen of Mean is my obnoxious neighbor, who'd undoubtedly give Paul's Most Annoying Woman on the Planet a migrane... .

You know those people who manage to ruin everything they touch for everyone else? Well, she's one. I've been fighting her every attempt to sabatoge a simple neighborhood cookout for weeks now. First it was calling me every 5 seconds (HER: Well, so & so can't come, so should we change the date? But then this other couple might be out of town... and if we have it on a weekend, these people will be at their farm. ME: Yeah, well someone's not going to make it whenever we have it, lady.)---next it was over-thinking every detail (HER: We have to change the party invite to say it ends at 8:30 instead of 9:00, because someone said they'd leave when it started getting dark!! ME: No, dumb@ss, because anyone who wants to leave is free to do so.)---then it was not calling me when she said she would (Drama in her online life, andI am beginning to get that she doesn't have a real one, and why!). Now she's calling me to tell me what someone (who got her phone number from me, as I'm sure he told her) is bringing. Guess what? A bananna pudding. Like I give a flying fvck what anyone is bringing at this late hour. I've told her 20 times what I'm bringing, and it's not another bananna pudding. She just has to have someone to talk to, and I'm beginning to understand why---her husband just can't listen anymore. Poor guy. He is a runner-up for World's Biggest Eunuch.

This woman went from taking over my cookout (excuse me, I must have stolen her idea: as soon as I mentioned doing a block-long party, she said she'd been planning to do the same thing for some time [not that anything had stopped her] and of course, no one has ever thought of such an idea before, right?) to micro-managing what should have been a simple concept: We bring the soda & bbq grills, you bring the meat of your choice. Everyone has fun, meets people they see every day, builds a sense of community, end of story. I am totally dreading it. I really just wanted to meet my neighbors, not be driven to kill them.


David Holt said...

It's just easier to assume you hate your neighbors without having to go to the trouble of having your prejudices justified. Now if you'd be so kind as to send me your phone number I could bug the hell out of you for blogger's bash just like she did. For example, I have a seating chart all ready. :-)

Philip said...

I recommend you watch the Seinfeld episode where this one guy has an Xmas party and as soon as everyone walks in the door he gives them a specific job. I'd point her in the direction of the food and tell her to keep the flies off it. If she tries to pass it off on her husband, have something else planned for him like making sure there's plenty of ice.

AngieDawn said...

Wow SB, what a neighbor! Good luck not throwing the banana pudding at her.